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Coon Of The Week: Facebook Turns 10

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#1 Cruz

  • 41 posts

Posted 04 February 2014 - 06:45 PM

Facebook turns 10 today so what better way than to tell ya'll my biggest L's ever received on the social platform. I wasn't up on Facebook when it first started but i was definitely apart of it its prime, right after myspace slowed down and before twitter & instagram existed.
Facebook was dope for majority of reasons but primarily reconnecting with old friends was everyone's reason to create a one. Ofcourse I loved it because of the girls so i used this great platform to try everything possible to get girls b. :kobe:  I followed these goat 3 steps on how to get a girl an O.G told me when i first signed up. 1. If a girl pokes you first on facebook she's interested. 2. If the Poke war goes past 10, make sure to dive in her messages and proceed to make the move and 3. If she likes more than 6 of your pics, your dating. (Note: These rules only apply if she looks good.) I was a lowkey thirst bucket accepting every friend request possible getting my friends numbers up. I received multiple pokes & likes through out this process but 1 girl stood out, we we're having a poke war that she started and she liked more than 6 pics of mine. That's all 3 steps b, we were in a relationship without me knowing fam. I only had 1 issue with this chick and it was because she only had 1 picture, it was mad small and blurry so i asked her to put up more pictures. (Do realize this is before the term 'Catfish' was popular so that wasn't in my mind b.) She said let's talk on Aim aka Aol Instant Messanger so i gave her my screen name, she sent me a message on AIM and once i added her to my friend list her buddy icon immediately popped up next to her name. It was a new picture of her but it was her whole body in the picture, head to toe with concrete showing beneath her sneakers inside a buddy icon b. Think about it for a second bruh the dimensions of a Aim Icon is 48x48 pixels AQzyP5o.png my hand could barely fit into a icon but meanwhile she's full out comfortably chilling in the middle of a small ass square on my aol screen throwing up the peace sign. I was lost for words b, this whole time i was poking and messaging a fucking midget, i failed the OG who taught me the ways of Facebook. I never blocked a bitch so quick in my life.
2 years later i was more aware of everything and a veteran to Facebook but was still out there being thirsty posting pics just to build up my likes. I would take the dopest mirror pics ever b, they were always angled less than 90 degrees like an acute angle. These mirror pics were averaging 40+ likes and growing with each pic i post until one day I decided to rush and upload a picture from Facebook Mobile, the app was so bad and confusing back in the day when the first iPhone dropped. I had just got a haircut so my hairline was looking fresher than Steve Harvey's CnSvYex.jpg but i was going to work so i decided to use the facebook app to upload the picture while on the bus so I opened up the app on my phone in the middle of a crowded bus, clicked my gallery, then upload and put the phone in my pocket guessing to myself how many likes i would have by the time i get out of work. 6 hours later, im on break so i get my phone from the back room and seen my screen full of notifications. I'm thinking to myself, these bitches must love my new picture so i open up my facebook app and see that my whole phone gallery was uploaded not just the picture i took straight out the barbershop. My body went numb like i seen a ghost b, im scrolling through the pics that got uploaded and like 8 dick pics i took to send to this girl who was sending me naked pics the night before was on my facebook wall.
hZVR0fk.png (picture is from the movie scary movie.)
I took so many dick pics because i was trying to get that perfect picture less than 90 degree angle to make it look bigger so all 8 of those dick pics were horribly angled and had my shit looking like the picture above. None of my pictures had likes, they were full of lmaooo, lol's, rotfl and every other short code for laughing. I couldn't even delete the pics because of the piece of shit Facebook app at the time so i wrote a status saying someone hacked my phone. I highly doubt anyone believed that b. Once i got home, i deleted my facebook profile and i never logged in after that. Cole World, Cruz Lost.
What's your craziest story on Facebook?

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#2 Faiz

  • 62 posts
  • LocationConnecticut

Posted 04 February 2014 - 07:36 PM

LMFAOOOOOOOOO MY NIGGGGGGGAAAAAAA !!!! Cruz da GOAT. Takes balls to make yourself COTW lmaoo.





- My craziest Facebook story….Bitch tried to tupac, R.Kelly, and whichever other celebs got caught out for allegedly messin with youngins...



   So i'ma be 20 this year, this happened in 2011 so I was 17. 17 with nothin but pussy on my mental, so I'm on a fuckin spree when it comes to tryna run through chicks. So i'm chasin chicks in my school, chicks from church, and anywhere else the female population finds themselves. After numerous hit and misses and some close but no cigars I started learning what to do and what not to do with these chicks. You know like using Q's and G's and spelling " Your " like " Yhur " and shit like that. Nigga had to grow up fast…but I digress. So eventually i get into the swing on things I'm getting chicks numbers and coin my mothafuckin thing, focusing on chicks my age or older at the time. I think it's easy for me to make friends because I'm really outspoken I'm not a shy nigga so I flirt a lot ( my shorty right now hated that in the beginning of our relationship. ) But sometimes I just be being friendly to people. So this chick in church know the kinda person I am, I flirt a lot and I'm friendly so she used to come up to me and give me hugs and stare at me and shit it creeped me out because i knew her brothers and shit but she was just so infatuated. I mean at 17 I was feel in myself but I ain't think I was that cute. But back to the topic. So she sends me a FB request. I accept cause I figured she just wanted more friends. Mind you ever since 2009 little girls haven't looked their age. I would've never added her had I known her age, because I had a no pre-teen rule for social networks ( niggas was tryna be cool, feel me ? ). So I'm thinking she like 16 whatever, til she messages me " How you deewin " immediately I'm like..this bitch is buggin. So I'm like " No. " then she messages me " Whaddup doe " like 8 times, no response. Then she's like " Hit me up ( insert number here ). " So I'm like " Little girl, you're like 12…relax plus you got older brothers just humble ya self. " Then she's like " Fuck you den, dey don't even live widd me and dey treat me lyke shit " … I just let the convo sit in my messages. That ain't as exciting as posting dick pics but when i went on FB twitter was kinda on the rise lol

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#3 Hasman

  • 74 posts
  • Location416

Posted 04 February 2014 - 10:18 PM



cotws, the only posts you can click like before reading.

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#4 Equis

  • 82 posts
  • LocationNew York

Posted 04 February 2014 - 11:13 PM

lol dis nigga

#5 Shiva

  • 62 posts
  • LocationLondon

Posted 05 February 2014 - 11:28 AM

Shiva: Yo Cruz, what's your facebook I'll add you to keep in touch


Cruz: Na, I don't have Facebook.


Shiva: *Why the fuck does this guy not have FB?*


*Forwards a year later*


*Now knows why  :floyd:  :hov: *

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#6 ghettonintendo

  • 10 posts

Posted 05 February 2014 - 11:30 AM


#7 Lockness

  • 128 posts
  • LocationMinneapolis

Posted 05 February 2014 - 02:44 PM

lmao how many chicks you pipe off this strategy tho? the only ones I ever got off FB was lonely ones at my college lol, never got on that 'spit at random chick I don't know' game.

#8 Cruz

  • 41 posts

Posted 05 February 2014 - 03:22 PM

lmao how many chicks you pipe off this strategy tho? the only ones I ever got off FB was lonely ones at my college lol, never got on that 'spit at random chick I don't know' game.

shit only worked for like 2 hoes in my area, the rest i used the strategy on were like random girls i added but lived in different states so nothing happened. :laff: the majority of the girls on Facebook were on their higher horse so you know how that goes, you have to work for it but without looking like the dude below.


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#9 Bliss

  • 252 posts
  • LocationZagreb

Posted 05 February 2014 - 05:30 PM

I've missed these, another classic  :hov:
My craziest story was pretty similar to this tho cause I didn't do that shit on purposely, but it was many L's in one so I'ma write it up, cause it's my probably GOAT life story and I never shared anything with yall. Also gonna step my smiley game up in this :kobe:
It happened at my 19th birthday party. At the time, I was with my ex for almost a year, but shit was going downhill and it was a matter of time when we're gonna break up for good. Another thing that's important in this story is that I had a female "best friend" who was in love with me since we were kids, and she always told me everything what's going on in her life without even asking me to do so. I never had an interest in her or whatsoever. So, to quickly summarize what's important is that she told me that few months earlier she was with this dude from our school who she liked, and they went out once and she sucked his dick. This is where a woman logic interfiers which I don't need explaining - she thought she was gonna be with him for sure if she does that and the dude obviously wanted to get some and bounce  :drake:
Fast forward, I was there at my party drinking over the limit as usual and by the midnight we all were drunk as fuck. And when I'm drunk, I'm probably the most fun person to be around to, I start pulling off some pranks, have GOAT jokes, and etc. So I got this "GOAT" idea that my friend records a video of me doing some crazy shit. He grabbed his phone and started recording, and the first thing that ran through my mind is that I make fun of my female best friend (keep in mind, no one knew what I wrote above except me and her female friends). So I started yelling like "yo bitch, I'm about to expose you now. Why did you suck this guy's little dick?"
Soon as I said the first sentence in which I mentioned her and his name also, everybody went crazy as fuck, starting laughing and screaming so hard they were lying on the floor, throwing cups and stuff like that. And somehow, friend with the camera was still recording.
So when everybody calmed a bit I continued: "everybody knows that you're a hoe and you just confirmed that. If you want to know what is like to suck a real dick, come here and the daddy will show you. Shit, you can even invite that bitch of mine and we can have a threesome, I don't give a fuck!!"
After that, it was a wrap, everybody went HAM including myself, dapping me like :daps:  and chanting how I'ma legend and always doing some legendary shit. And then we carried on drinking and partying til like 4-5 am. Don't remember clearly anything after, except the ride home.
What I didn't know and didn't predict is that my retarded friend who is always feenin for those likes WILL UPLOAD THAT SHIT THE SAME NIGHT ON FACEBOOK while we were still drinking and shit.  :sad:
So the next day I slept til like 2-3 pm. When I woke up I remember the first thing that ran through my mind was "Shit, I'm happy I'm alive ( :laff:) " and I went straight to shower to sober myself a bit. When I came back in my room I grabbed my phone and saw like 10+ missed calls, and 4 messages, including the ones from my ex and a friend, which I didn't open at first, but thought like "da fuck is going on?" So, I skipped all that shit, and went straight to Facebook to see if I have some notifications and messages. I logged in, and there was like 7 notifications, and 6 messages, once again including my ex and a friend. So I firstly went to see whats all about those notifications, clicked on it and saw the first one:
"some and some commented on a video that you were tagged in".
I immediately got a flash back from last night which I didn't think of at first, dropped my phone on the bed the same second and was like  :snoop:  :floyd:
"nah, it can't be it, he ain't that retarded"
I was battling myself for like 10 fuckin minutes should I grab my phone to see it or not. In the end I was like "fuck it", and took it and scroll through all the comments saying how legendary and classic is this, made jokes what's gonna happen now, how they want to see reactions from my girlfriend and friend, etc. You can already guess what was their reaction cause I ain't gonna write that up, shit is too painful to remember, I never spoke to my ex again, except when she wanted to return me all the stuff I gave her a month later :hov:  And as far as my friend goes, she was and is so ashamed of it that she isn't the same ever since, fighting depressions and dating some retarded dudes because she's insecure as fuck. But she eventually got over it, and we were still good for some time.
So I caught 2 big L's in one night, plus some more because all the girls that knew me would never think of me as a potential hook up or whatsoever, cause they thought I was a fucking careless idiot (which I'm really not in reality, I was just drunk as fuck :north2: ). The only bright side is that all of my bro's gave me the most possible legendary status after that which was cool I guess. Still, I was fucking ashamed and scared for the next month or so, being extra lowkey on Facebook and in public, stalking everyone to see if they still talk or make jokes about me, or to see if this guy is gonna come after me since I blocked him on Facebook and he couldn't contact me :north: . Luckily, it was month before college so I never had to go to that school ever again. :whew:
So yeah, I have some classic stories. The memory of that still hurts tho, fuck Facebook.

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#10 Cruz

  • 41 posts

Posted 05 February 2014 - 05:51 PM

:north2: lmaoooo @Bliss im crying :laff: dog aint shit scarier than getting that notification "you've been tagged too" after a night out of drinking b.

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#11 Bliss

  • 252 posts
  • LocationZagreb

Posted 05 February 2014 - 06:06 PM

:north2: lmaoooo @Bliss im crying :laff: dog aint shit scarier than getting that notification "you've been tagged too" after a night out of drinking b.


Word, after this happened I developed some crazy extra careful sense that when always someone brings up "picture, record" into the conversation while we are drinking I try to bail myself outta it no matter how fucked up I am  :hov:

#12 kirbs

  • 15 posts

Posted 06 February 2014 - 12:21 AM

this thread has me dying, coon of the week never disappoints  :laff:

#13 T-Criza

  • 27 posts

Posted 08 February 2014 - 01:47 AM

:bowdown: :wow5: :goat: fucking jcn is back

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